Joys Taken, Gifts Given
by Katlover98
Summary: After Dean comes back from Purgatory he is never not pissed off at his mate, Sam. Sam had abandoned him to go play house with a Beta. What Dean doesn't know is that Sam is keeping a secret from him and it could be that Sam has suffered more than Dean knows while he was stuck in Purgatory. Here be Wincest, proceed with caution


**Disclaimer: Don't Own Supernatural or its characters. They belong to Eric Kripke and the WB**

 **Should I be doing my homework and studying for my finals? Yes. Am I? No. Instead, I give you this.**

 **Warning: Wincest, A/B/O Dynamics, Omega! Sam, Alpha! Dean, Bottom! Sam, Mpreg, and mentions of miscarriages/stillbirth. Also, Dean is douche in the beginning.**

 **Set in Season 8 before they had the Bunker. The timeline might be a little fudgie, though because it seems that Dean was stuck in Purgatory for a bit longer than a year.**

 **All mistakes are my own**

 **Enjoy**

Nothing ruined the mood quicker than by having your mate kick you straight in the balls. Dean went straight down. He was in so much pain that he was in fetal position before he even hit the floor. He vomited. He vaguely heard a door closing.

It was his own stupid fault he was on the floor with his balls throbbing.

Sam had wanted to have sex with Dean. Dean hadn't opposed because even though he was still mad at Sam for not looking for him while in Purgatory, Dean still wanted his Omega. It had been two months since he had escaped Purgatory and except for that one time they had had sex after their reunion, they hadn't even touched each other. He didn't know what had gotten over Sam but he hadn't complained.

Dean had ended up standing with his pants around his ankles. Sam had been on his knees. He had been giving Dean the best blow job he had ever gotten when Sam had done something with his tongue. A move he had never done. Before he could censor himself Dean had opened his big, loud mouth.

"Damn, Sammy, where did you learn that? Did you do this to other Alphas while I was gone or did your new girl teach you how to?"

Before he even had time to even think about it Sam had gotten up and kicked him straight in the family jewels.

Which is how he ended up curled on the floor in a puddle of his own sick with a voice so high it sounded as if Dean had inhaled helium. Honestly, he deserved it. He had been a dick.

Dean laid in pain for minutes before the throbbing even started to begin to abate. He didn't move for a while afraid that he would cause himself more pain if he did. Eventually, though, he sat up. He almost curled back into himself when he felt the throbbing start again but he ignored it. He hesitantly touched his balls. They were tender but, thankfully, they weren't swollen. He relaxed a bit and looked around the room.

The salt on the floor hadn't been disturbed so at least Sam hadn't left. Dean turned his attention to the bathroom door. It was closed. It hadn't been before Sam had kicked Dean's nuts.

Dean took a deep breath to steel himself before standing. He grunted in pain. Damn, but Sam had strong legs. Dean limped towards the bathroom door. He waited a moment to regain his composure and to make sure his voice went back to normal.

"Sammy," he squeaked out. Damn it! He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Sammy, open up," he demanded. He probably shouldn't have had because a pissed off voice answered him.

"Fuck off," Dean thumped his head against the door.

"Sam, open up, now!"

"Go away!"

Dean slapped his open palm on the door, angry. Yeah, he had been a dick but Sam was also acting like a bitch. Besides, how did he think Dean was going to feel after knowing that Sam had left him to rot.

"Fine, be a little bitch, see if I care."

Dean limped towards the fridge and took out a cold beer. He went to his bed and laid down while putting the cold can on his genitals. He sighed in relief when the coolness started working on the throbbing.

Damn Sam for doing this to him.

What else was he suppose to think when Sam pulled a move he had never done before? Dean knew every last one of Sam's moves. He loved them, thrived in them. Dean had been gone for a year and Sam had settled with some Beta girl, who knew who else Sam had been with while he was gone. Should Dean had kept his mouth closed? Yes. Did Sam deserve to kick Dean in his most vulnerable place? Dean didn't like it, but yeah, he did. Did he deserve to lock himself in the bathroom and act like the only wounded party, though? Hell no.

After the pain had subsided and all that was left was soreness, Dean got up and cleaned up the vomit on the floor. No point in leaving it there.

When he was done Dean wanted to piss, badly. Sam was still locked in the bathroom.

He could try to make Sam open the door and let him in or he could just piss in a bottle. Dean growled. He didn't feel like begging Sam. Sam could be a stubborn little bitch when he wanted to be.

Dean found an empty bottle and did his business in it. He got the remote and turned on the TV. He was trying to distract himself but he couldn't help but stare at the bathroom door every few minutes. He wanted to barge in there and drag Sam out but he didn't. Sam decided to stay locked in the bathroom for the rest of the afternoon and well into the night. Eventually, when it hit midnight, he was too tired to even try to pretend to stay awake so he turned off the TV and went to sleep. He was almost afraid to.

Sam had a habit of running away if he didn't want to deal with something and Dean did not feel like going across the country looking for his wayward mate. For a while, he contemplated sleeping by the door to make sure Sam wouldn't leave. He decided against it. Dean knew he would hear if Sam tried to leave. He fell into a restless sleep.

Sam didn't leave the bathroom until he was sure Dean was asleep. He cautiously opened the door and peered out. When no sound of movement came he completely opened the door and left the relative safety of the bathroom. He turned to look at Dean's bed and found him sprawled naked on it. There were empty beer cans on the stand by Dean's bed.

 _Figures._

Sam had spent the rest of the afternoon and night crying and Dean had watched TV while drinking. Sam almost felt like kicking Dean again just on principle. He didn't.

Dean might forgive him once, especially after what he had said, but Sam doubted he would twice. Sam didn't know what Dean might do if he did and he didn't want to find out. Sam encircled his waist protectively. Dean had never been shy about hitting Sam before in anger and he didn't want to rock the boat.

He wasn't just taking care of himself anymore.

Sam sat on his bed and brought his knees up to his chest. He rested his head on top of them and closed his eyes. He tried to stop the tears that were threatening to spill. He had cried enough, dammit!

Fuck his out of control mood swings. They were identical to the first time Sam had been pregnant. Before he had lost his baby. The mood swings were the reason Sam had gone to a free clinic the day before and gotten a test.

He was pregnant with his and Dean's child. _Again_.

He couldn't help but feel his memories of the year Dean was gone surface. With those memories came pain. The pain of having lost his mate. His mate _and_ their child in under a year. Sam let it wash over him, too tired to stop it.

When Dean had disappeared Sam had been frantic. He didn't where to start to look for Dean. He had tried summoning Crowley but it had been pointless. The King of Hell hadn't answered his summons and Sam hadn't known what to do.

A week after Dean's disappearance he had gotten drunk in a bar. After leaving the bar he had been hit by a car while trying to walk back to his motel room. It was when he woke that he had found out he was pregnant. Three months pregnant. By some miracle, he hadn't lost the baby when he got run over.

He was held in the hospital for a few days. The doctors hadn't wanted him to leave until they were sure that Sam and the baby were fine. Especially after they found out that his mate had just died a week ago. Sam hadn't argued.

That baby had been the only thing he had left of Dean. Sam didn't want to risk losing it. Besides, Sam had figured he could continue looking for Dean after the baby was born. It hadn't worked out that way.

Sam turned his head when he heard Dean move. He hadn't woken up just turned to sleep on his stomach. Sam snorted softly.

He really needed to tell Dean that he was pregnant but he was scared. What if Dean rejected him and the baby? Sam didn't think he'd survive. After what Dean had commented earlier Sam was terrified.

Dean was so angry.

Sam knew he had a right to be, especially since Sam hadn't told him the whole truth but he couldn't help but be afraid. Dean was different. He was more aggressive, more deadly, just _more_ when it came to his darker emotions _._ Sam was afraid of admitting out loud that he had been stupid enough to lose their child. What if Dean left him again?

Worse, what if Dean accused him of sleeping with another Alpha and getting pregnant by him? He already proved that he thought Sam had slept with Alphas while Dean had been gone. Sam hadn't.

He was so scared, so afraid…He was a coward.

Sam stayed curled up the rest of the night. He bit his arm so that he wouldn't make any sound as more tears spilled over.

OoOoOoOo

Dean woke up the next morning with a headache. He groaned and opened his eyes. He automatically turned his head towards Sam's bed. Sam was staring back at Dean with bloodshot eyes.

"Morning, did you even sleep?"

Sam nodded. Dean snorted, "Sure, I believe that."

Sam shrugged and turned away from Dean. Dean ignored him and went into the bathroom.

 _Might as well do my business before Sam locks himself away again._

Dean felt a little guilty at his thoughts. Sam had been hurt, better he hid away in the motel's bathroom than leave.

Dean checked his balls to make sure they weren't swollen. They were a little tender but it seemed that there was no permanent damage. He hoped. Dean did his business and then got into the shower. He stayed a while not caring if he used up all the hot water. If Sam could lock Dean out all day then Dean had the right use up the hot water. He got out and saw an empty room.

Before he could start panicking Dean saw that Sam's duffle was on his bed. He then saw the note on the table.

 _Gone to get breakfast—Sam._

Stomach rumbling in anticipation Dean got ready. He decided he would apologize to Sam. Sam had every right to be mad at Dean at the moment. Dean would apologize and put this mess behind them. Hell, maybe they might even have a good fucking that day. The day before had killed the mood but today was a new day.

All thoughts of apologizing went out the window when Sam came back. With just one order of breakfast.

"What the hell, where's my food?"

Sam shrugged and sat to eat. Dean got furious.

"Seriously, why don't you talk instead of being a passive-aggressive asshole?"

Sam shrugged again and ignored him.

Truthfully, Sam had gone to get breakfast with the intent of getting them both some. But as he had waited in line he saw how an Alpha had cooed and taken care of his Omega. He had bought his mate breakfast without any prompting. His _pregnant_ Omega. Sam knew it was irrational but he couldn't help but get mad at Dean for not doing the same.

In the back of his mind, Sam knew if Dean knew about the baby he would. An irrational part of his brain, though, had wanted Dean to do it _for_ Sam not because of the baby. So Sam had impulsively just bought breakfast for himself and now he was eating it in front of Dean.

"Are you even listening to me," Dean demanded.

"If you want breakfast go get it yourself. You have two perfectly good legs, _Alpha._ "

Dean swept Sam's food off the table and onto the floor. He got Sam by the collar of his shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

"What the fuck is the matter with you, Omega," Dean growled, he was furious. His inner Alpha was screaming at him to put his Omega in his place. He was the Alpha, he was stronger, and his Omega had better submit or else.

Dean knew he wasn't thinking straight. There had only been a handful of times when he had acted that way with thoughts of putting his Omega in his place. He was usually very good at letting Sam do what he wanted when he wanted. Besides, his dad had raised him believing that Omegas should be treated equally.

The year in Purgatory had mutated his inner Alpha. He was faster, stronger, he had to be or he would've died. Or worse, been used as food. The tradeoff was that he was quicker to anger, quicker to act in aggression. That spelled bad news for him back on Earth.

Dean was just about to demand more answers and maybe punch Sam when he noticed Sam wasn't fighting. Sam was Omega but he wasn't shy about fighting back. This time he had his neck bared in submission and Dean saw genuine fear swimming in his eyes. That stopped Dean's anger cold. Sam had rarely been afraid. He could only think of once or twice when he had been and that was back when he had let Lucifer free by accident. Back when Dean would attack and put him down at any moment.

Kind of like he was doing now.

Dean let go of Sam. He got his jacket and walked out the door. He couldn't be around Sam right now. Sam was screwing with his emotions and his inner Alpha. He'd rather leave and clear his head some before he did something he regretted.

Sam let himself slide onto the floor when he heard the door slam behind Dean's back. Sam heard the Impala start-up and leave. He tried to calm down his heart but it was a herculean effort to do so. He hadn't thought that something like that would set Dean off. The only time he had been that angry was when he found out about Ruby. Sam knew Dean would be angry but he had thought they would have a verbal spat, not a physical one.

Sam took a deep breath hoping it would help. It didn't.

Sam stood up on shaky legs a few minutes later. He picked up the food from the floor. He looked at the table and saw his hot chocolate had survived. No caffeine allowed it could harm the baby. He picked it up and took a sip. It had grown cold. Sam finished it anyway. It was better than having an empty stomach.

After he had calmed down he started thinking about his baby and how he would tell Dean. He put his palm on his abdomen. Life was growing in him. A life that could be in danger right at the moment.

Sam's eyes widened.

What if this fight with Dean had harmed the baby? He already had a history of troubles with pregnancy, what if the baby was in danger? Sam didn't think too long. He got his coat and decided to go to the free pregnancy aid center that the clinic had recommended the day before. He didn't have an appointment so he took out the card and called.

"Pregnancy Aid Center, how can I help you?"

"Um, yeah, hi, I'm pregnant," duh, why else would he be calling, "and something happened today that makes me think I could be in trouble with my pregnancy. I already have a history and I just want to make sure everything is alright. Is there any way I can come in today?"

"Sure thing, hun. If you could come in the next thirty minute I can pencil you in. If not, you can come in the afternoon."

It might be too late by then.

"No, I can make it. My name is Sam Winchester."

"Okay, Mr. Winchester and I can assume you're Omega."

Sam rolled his eyes, he was a pregnant man. The only males that could get pregnant _were_ Omegas.

"Yeah, I am."

"Perfect. The appointment has been set, see you in a bit," came the cheery reply.

Sam found the directions on the internet and debated whether he should walk, take the bus, or call a cab. He decided on the cab. He didn't want to risk getting there late and having to wait until later.

Fifteen minutes later he was filling out his information. He hesitated a little when he was filling out his pregnancy history. It killed him to even write down what happened to his last baby. He did, though, because he knew the doctor needed to know everything to make sure history didn't repeat itself. He gave the receptionist the filled papers.

"Perfect . If you could have a seat the doctor will be with you in a moment."

Sam nodded and sat down. He couldn't help but jiggle his legs, nervous. So much could go wrong, so much _had_ gone wrong. He hugged his middle and curved into himself a little, protecting his stomach. He couldn't afford to lose this baby. He wouldn't survive. Not again. He barely had the first time around.

"Sam Winchester," Sam was taken out of his musings when he heard his name. He got up and followed a petite nurse through a door. He noticed a few closed doors. He wondered if the other Omegas had their Alphas with them. Lucky.

The nurse made him stop in front of a weight and asked him to step on it. She took his height and weight and wrote them down. She then made him sit by a chair to take his blood pressure. She frowned a little when the numbers came up.

"Is everything okay," he asked, afraid.

"Yeah, don't worry, it's fine. It's just a little elevated but you'll talk with the doctor soon."

"The baby isn't in danger, right?"

She gave him a reassuring smile that didn't have any effect on him, "Don't worry, I'm sure the baby's fine."

He wanted definitive proof, not reassurances. The nurse then set him up in a room and gave him a robe.

"This might fit you a bit small but it'll do. Make sure the opening is on your front, the doctor will need access to your abdomen to take the sonogram. You can keep your underwear on."

Sam nodded and took the robe out of the nurse's hands. He didn't put it on until she was gone. He changed and sat on the clinic bed. He didn't lie down. He couldn't help but jiggle his legs up and down again. A few minutes later a Beta woman entered.

"Hello Mr. Winchester, I'm Dr. Jones and I'll be obstetrician this morning. What brings you in today?"

She sat on the chair that was by the computer and booted it up. While that was going on Sam answered the question.

"Well, I found out yesterday that I was pregnant and wanted to make sure that everything was okay with the baby. See, I have a history and I don't want to lose it."

"I see," she said as she read through Sam's files.

"It says your baby was born four months too early and died a few days later. You left a day later. Did you do a follow up to make sure everything was alright with you?"

Sam shook his head. He hid behind a curtain of his hair before answering, "I just—I _couldn't_ "

His voice broke around the last word. The doctor nodded and got up, "That's perfectly understandable, Mr. Winchester. Can you lie down for me, please?"

Sam complied and let the doctor open up his robe. She pushed softly on his stomach. Her hands were a little cold. He shivered a bit.

"Any tenderness or pain?"

"No, just a little cold."

She smiled, "Sorry, my hands run a bit chilly. Can you sit up for me again?"

Sam did and let her shine a light on his eyes and in his ears. She put her hands on Sam's throat and felt around.

"The nurse said that you came because you thought the baby could be in trouble. Did something happen this morning? Open up."

She stuck a tongue depressor in his mouth, "Say ah."

"Ahh. Ugh, yeah, I tripped and fell. I know I might be a little paranoid but with what happened before I'd rather be safe than sorry."

She nodded, "That perfectly understandable considering your past."

She got the stethoscope from around her neck and put it in her ears. Sam shivered again when the round part touched his chest.

"Deep breaths for me, please," Sam did so, "Okay, again."

She then put the stethoscope on his back and made him do it again.

"Okay, good. Now, it seems like everything is fine but I don't like that your blood pressure is a bit elevated. Now, there are ways to control that and it might be nothing but I'd rather not risk you or your baby's health."

Sam nodded, "Of course."

"I'll give you prescriptions and vitamins so that you can take and I want you to set up another appointment in two weeks. I don't want to risk you miscarrying or us missing something that could be preventable."

That would be a little tougher.

"Well, you see, I haven't told my Alpha yet. I found out yesterday and haven't had the chance to do so yet. The problem is that we move around a lot and I'm not sure if I'll even _be_ here two days from now let alone two weeks."

"Mr. Winchester, I recommend regular check-ups with any pregnant Beta or Omega and that's when there has been no complication. You are a sensitive case. Already, you have had a premature birth. I suggest you tell your Alpha that you need to stay put and that rest is important. I don't think you should risk yourself."

Sam gulped.

"Unless, unless you don't feel safe around your Alpha. I can help with that, too."

" _No,_ no, Dean wouldn't hurt me," it was mostly true, "It's just that, well, he doesn't _know_ about the first baby. When I found out I was pregnant he had been presumed dead. Turns out he wasn't. He didn't come back until two months ago. I haven't gotten the guts to tell him what happened while he was… _away._ "

A look of understanding flitted through Dr. Jones face, "I see. Well, I won't pressure you into telling him today but you really should. Carrying that grief alone is not good for you especially now. Emotional trauma could also affect your current pregnancy."

Sam nodded, "Okay, I'll tell him today."

Dr. Jones nodded, "Good. Trust me, sharing something like this with your mate will help some. You don't have to carry it alone."

Sam couldn't speak with the lump forming in his throat.

"Now, why don't you lie down while I take a sonogram?"

Sam did as the doctor asked. He watched as she brought the sonogram machine up. She opened his robe up and exposed his stomach. She took the elastic of his boxers and put them down a bit. She put paper in his boxer that covered them so that the gel wouldn't fall on them.

"This will be a bit cold," Sam ignored the chill and turned his attention to the screen. Suddenly he was scared.

What if there was no heartbeat? What if his baby was already dead and he was carrying around a cadaver in his womb? What if…?

His dark thoughts stopped when he heard a wooshing sound. He knew that sound, he had heard it the first time he had been pregnant. It was the sound of a heartbeat. His relief turned to fear when he heard it echo.

"Is that normal," he asked, scared.

"It's more than normal. It seems congratulations are in order, Mr. Winchester, you're having twins!"

"Twins," two babies?

"Uh-huh, and if we just move the wand a little to the left…Aha, there goes the other little bugger."

Sam's tears fell from his cheek. His babies, his and Dean's. The tears that fell now were different from last night.

"Are they—are they alright?"

"Everything seems to be in order. It seems that you're about," Sam interrupted the doctor.

"I'm nine weeks along. I know."

He and Dean have only had sex once since he came back.

"Would you like me to record the heartbeats?"

"Yes, please! And pictures, too."

The doctor smiled, "Well, that would be a given now wouldn't it, Mr. Winchester?"

Sam couldn't help but smile at seeing his little babies.

OoOoOoOo

Dean returned to the motel room cold, wet, and miserable. Though he had taken the Impala it had started raining, hard. He had gotten soaked from head to toe just running back into the room. Figured. He entered the room expecting to find a pissed off, moping Sam ready to tear him a new one. Dean steeled himself for the confrontation that was most likely to follow.

He was surprised, then, when he was greeted by silence. He frowned and looked towards the bathroom door. It was open and empty. For a moment Dean thought Sam had left but saw that the duffel bag was still on Sam's bed. He relaxed a bit.

It seems Sam went out to cool off, too.

 _Or he left in fear of you coming back,_ Dean's brain supplied. He ruthlessly trampled that thought down. Instead, he took out his phone and called Sam's number hoping he would pick up.

Sam was looking at the pictures of his sonogram with a soft smile on his face. Twins, he was having _twins._ He couldn't be happier. Sam was almost giddy with joy. He stared out of the window. It had started raining while he had been with the doctor. He hadn't brought an umbrella so he was waiting for the rain to let up some. He couldn't afford to get sick.

He put away the pictures and read the doctor's instructions again. The doctor had given him strict orders. He wasn't to do anything that caused him stress. That meant hunting was out. He frowned, he hoped Dean wouldn't get too mad that Sam couldn't actively help him with hunting. He'd be able to do research, though. Besides, Sam was pregnant, even without his history hunting would've been out of the question.

He read the things he had to eat and what to avoid. He knew most of that but he wanted to look it over again just to make sure. Sam had also been ordered to rest. No heavy lifting, no extreme exercising. Light aerobics so that he would have a healthy pregnancy. Sam sighed. He would be bored for the next few months but better bored than losing his babies. He got to a pamphlet that said that he could have sex and even be knotted but to not push himself.

Sam was busy reading it and blushing that when his phone rang he automatically picked it up without thinking.

"Hello," he asked, distracted.

"Sam," he straightened in his chair, "where are you?"

"Uh, not at the motel room."

"Yeah, I figured that out, genius, when I came back and you weren't here," Dean looked out the window. It was still pouring and he knew Sam was on foot.

"Where are you?"

"Um," Sam seemed to hesitate, "I'm at a restaurant. I went for a walk but it started raining so I got into the first one I saw and decided to order. I was hungry."

Dean flinched. If he hadn't thrown Sam's breakfast to the floor he wouldn't be hungry. Dean hadn't even thought about Sam not eating while he ate at the diner down the road. Some Alpha he was. He had fed himself without even making sure that his Omega had eaten.

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"No," Sam almost yelled. He hadn't told Dean where he was because he wasn't ready to talk to him about the babies. Call him selfish, but he wanted to have his babies for himself for a little while longer.

"No, I'm fine. When it stops raining I want to walk a bit more. You know, clear my head. Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

Dean heard a dial tone and he hung up. Sam had been quick to deny any help from Dean. He sighed. It was his own fault. Angry or not he shouldn't have pushed Sam like that. Even if Sam was being a little bitch.

Dean peeled the wet clothes off himself and got into the shower. It seemed as if karma was out to get him. There wasn't any hot water. Dean got out of the shower quickly and went to get dressed. He took out his warmest pants and softest shirt. His feet were cold but he didn't have any clean socks. Actually, most of his clothes were dirty.

Sam had gone to wash his own clothes but had left Dean's behind. He snorted, "Passive-aggressive little bitch."

Well, if Sam couldn't be bothered to wash Dean's clothes the least he could do was let Dean borrow a pair of socks. Dean hummed under his breath while he looked for a pair.

"Aha," he exclaimed in triumph. He was about to close the duffel bag when something caught his eyes. It was a little see-through bag with pink teddy bears imprinted on it. He had never seen it before. Dean frowned and took it out. He bit his lips for a moment wondering if he should go through Sam's things. He shrugged. Whatever, if Sam was hiding shit it was better if Dean found out sooner rather than later. He did have a habit of lying and ending the world because of it.

 _That's unfair, you helped, too, asshole._

Dean gritted his teeth and ignored his conscience.

Dean opened the bag and was confused with what he saw. There were grainy pictures in the bag. It had Sam's age and information on the top. It took Dean a moment but he got it. His eyes widened in surprise. They were sonogram pictures. They were sonograms of Sam's baby. Dean got pissed. Had Sam gotten pregnant with another Alpha's baby and not told Dean? Where the hell was the baby if that was true, though?

He wanted to tear the pictures up. He almost did until he paid attention to the date. It was just two weeks after Dean had killed Dick Roman. There's no way in hell that a baby could be that defined if this had only been two weeks. He knew that at that point in time it wouldn't be more than a bundle of cells. There wouldn't even be a sonogram. Hell, he doubted there would be any symptoms of pregnancy yet. No, this baby was already formed and with the help of the captions on the picture he could make out the head and feet.

 _Hi, mommy,_ one caption read, _I'm a girl._

Dean gulped. What was going on? He paid more attention to the information on the sonogram.

 _Mother's Name: Sam Winchester_

 _Age: 30 years old_

 _Period of Gestation: Three months_

 _Sex: Male_

 _Designation: Omega_

 _Sex of Fetus: Female_

Dean's heart stopped. He took out the rest of the papers from the little bag. He had to find out more.

"What are you _hiding,_ Sammy," He frantically looked through the papers and felt his heart constrict. No. It couldn't be. He hit the floor with a thump on his ass. He was holding a picture of a ridiculously small baby in an incubator. A baby girl to be exact. A girl with blonde hair, freckles, and moles on the same places that Sam had. The baby's eyes were opened a smidge and Dean saw vivid green. Just like his eyes. The baby, his _daughter_ , had tubes and gears coming out of every direction.

In the picture, Dean saw a miserable looking Sam wearing hospital garb. He had his hands in gloves that allowed him to touch his daughter while she was in the incubator. Sam's face was turned partially but Dean could see his eyes. There was misery swimming in those depths. Misery and just a bit of hope.

Dean turned the photo over and saw there was writing on it.

 _Deanna Mary Winchester, born July 29_ _th_ _._

It was Sam's handwriting. The letters were wobbly.

Dean stared at the picture of Sam and his, _no ours_ , daughter for a long time. Dean didn't want to look at the rest of the papers, knowing damn well what was in them. If Sam gave birth but there was no baby there could only be one explanation. Like a coward, he wanted to hide the little bag away and forget what he saw. That wasn't fair. Sam had been carrying this burden for over a year. The least Dean could do was grieve with his Omega.

Dean unfolded the paper that was with the picture and sonogram. It was a certificate of death. The baby hadn't even survived three days.

"God, _Sammy,_ " he must've been in so much pain. He had lost not only Dean but also their baby. It would've been painful for just about anyone but for an Omega that must've been tortured. Sam had carried that burden, most likely blaming himself for something he had no control of, all this time.

He hadn't told Dean anything and he knew why. Sam had been afraid, probably even still grieving. Dean had come back and he hadn't even sat down to talk with Sam over what happened the year that he was gone. He had come out angry and, in his anger, did nothing but attack Sam. If Sam had still been grieving he wouldn't have told Dean out of fear of more pain that could have been added on top of what was already there.

Instead of getting comfort from his Alpha he had gotten rage and accusations.

If he had hidden this, what else could Sam have hidden? Had there been a girl or had Sam just said that? Was that girl Deanna? God, there was just so many questions and no answers. At least, not until Sam returned.

Dean bowed his head in shame. He stayed like that until Sam returned an hour later.

Sam was humming as he opened the door. Yeah, he had to tell Dean the truth but right now he was still in euphoria. _Twins,_ he thought, _I'm having twins!_

Sam shifted the two paper bags he was holding to unlock the motel door. One bag had fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts, and natural juice. The other one had his prescriptions and vitamins.

"Dean, I'm back," came Sam's cheerful voice.

 _God_ , Dean thought, _how can he be cheerful after everything he's been through?_

"Hey, Dean, I wanted to talk… to you," Sam let his sentence fade away. Dean was sitting on the floor, his eyes red, and the little bag that the hospital had given him opened. The bag that had the evidence of his deceit, of his failure. Sam put the bags down on the table and braced himself for a fight. He flinched when Dean suddenly got up and walked towards him.

Dean felt like shit when he saw Sam's wary eyes following him. There was fear in them. He had done this to Sam, had made Sam fear him. Dean ignored Sam's flinch as he walked up to him. He'd just have to show his Omega he wasn't going to hurt him. He grabbed a hold of Sam and held him tight.

"I'm so sorry, Sammy," he whispered in Sam's ears. Sam was rigid. He was afraid to move in case he fucked up and Dean's comfort turned into anger. He would have deserved it. After a few moments, he couldn't stand it anymore and put his arms around his Alpha. God, he was craving the comfort Dean was giving.

Dean felt when Sam relaxed into his embrace. Dean entangled his fingers in Sam's soft hair and pushed his face into the crook of Dean's neck. He felt tears falling on his shoulder.

"Let it out, Sammy, let it out."

They stood in the middle of the motel room in each other's embrace. Two childless parents grieving for what they lost. Grieving for what could've been. After a few minutes, when Sam started sniffling, Dean herded Sammy towards one of the beds and made him sit. He went to the bathroom and wet a soft towel to wipe Sam's face with. He also made a detour to the little fridge to take a bottle of water out for Sam.

"Thanks," Sam took the bottle and drank half of it at once. He hiccuped a little and made a face as Dean cleaned snot and tears. Dean sat by Sam and pulled him to his side. He put his lips on top of Sam's head. He sniffed his Omega and let Sam's vanilla and spice scent calm him down.

Sam melted as best as he could to Dean's side. He felt as Dean scented him and it calmed him down. They stayed in silence for a while until Sam broke it.

"I should've told you," he whispered, "I know I should've but I didn't know how."

"Shh, it's okay, Sammy, we don't have to talk about it now."

Sam shook his head, "If I don't I won't ever be able to."

Sam took a deep breath. Dean's soft kiss on his temple calmed him down. Sam nuzzled his face into the crook of Dean's neck. He let his Alpha's woodsy and leather scent ground him.

"After you disappeared I was…lost, I guess. I didn't know where to start but I thought summoning Crowley would be a great place. I didn't know at the time that I was pregnant, I swear!"

Dean tightened his hold on Sam, "Sh, Sammy, I believe you. Calm down, it's not good for you to be this distressed."

Sam tried his best. Without knowing, Dean had actually helped Sam remember that he couldn't get too emotional. He might hurt his babies. He took a deep breath and continued.

"Sorry. Like I was saying, I tried summoning Crowley but he never answered. Eventually, I tried any demon I could find. They wouldn't, or couldn't, tell me anything. They loved taunting me. Making fun of me for being alone."

"Poor Sammy Winchester, alone again. Always alone. Everyone knows that a lonely Sam Winchester is a stupid one. He has always been the weak one."

Dean hadn't said anything but he couldn't keep quiet now, "No, Sammy. God, your so strong and smart and, well, even I forget that sometimes. But that's because I'm an ass. You're strong and brave and beautiful. You saved the world, stopped the Apocalypse. You survived a year with having Satan writing shotgun in your head. You survived insanity."

Dean took a deep breath, "You survived the death of our child all alone."

"I almost didn't," he confessed with shame coloring his tone, "you almost came back to no mate."

Sam played with a loose thread on Dean's shirt. He sighed.

"After a week of no answers, I went to a bar and got drunk. I mean, really drunk. The bartender had cut me off and I vaguely remember trying to walk back to my motel room. I must've crossed the street without really checking because the next thing I knew I woke up on a hospital bed. I had gotten run over."

Dean stiffened in worry. Sam quickly reassured him, "Don't worry, I was okay, I'm okay."

Dean kissed Sam. After they broke apart Sam continued.

"It was there I found out I was pregnant. Three months pregnant to be exact. The doctors had been surprised I hadn't lost the baby. It was a miracle," he couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Sam had often wondered if the pain wouldn't have been as bad if he had lost the baby there and then. Yeah, it would've hurt but he also knew he wouldn't have gotten attached. He wouldn't have been excited and happy. He wouldn't have anticipated and built his future around that baby. A future that wasn't meant to be because he lost her anyway.

Dean noticed how miserable Sam looked while he played with a loose thread on his shirt. He wanted to know more about what happened but not at the expense of Sam's feelings.

"You can stop, Sammy. I can see how much this hurts still. I'll help and be there for you either way."

Sam mouthed at Dean's neck, "You're so good to me, Alpha."

Dean kept his mouth shut but couldn't help but disagree. He had been horrible to Sammy since he came back from Purgatory. Hell, probably before that. He didn't deserve his mate's praise, he deserved his condemnations.

"Anyway, everything had been going fine. I did what the doctor told me and I took care of myself. I even stopped hunting. I mean, I still researched to see how I could help you after the baby had been born. I did stop answering calls though, that's why I didn't know about Kevin. I didn't want to risk losing our baby, ironically enough."

Dean didn't comment on Sam's bitter tone. He deserved to be.

"I felt the contractions when I was sitting in the apartment I had rented. I was watching a movie and eating out of a jar of peanut butter and a pint of chocolate ice cream. It was all I truly craved. I felt the first wave of pain. I remember frowning down at my stomach. I didn't exactly ignored it but didn't put any mind to it. The doctor said I could start having false contractions."

"I went back to watching my movie when I felt something wet sliding down my pants and I started freaking out. I got up to see what was happening when I felt the first real contraction. I called an ambulance and gave birth to her on my way to the hospital. I was only on my 21st week."

"They whisked her away to one part of the hospital and me to another. I was hemorrhaging and the doctors wanted to stop it quickly. I hadn't cared much about myself and asked where they had taken my baby."

Sam broke down sobbing. Dean didn't know what to do; he didn't know how to help his mate. So he held on to Sam and cooed at him. He let Sam have his break down while also whispering reassurances in his ear. Sam balled his fists in Dean's shirt. Dean's tears hit the top of Sam's head. He was pissed at himself, at God, at the world, no, the Universe. Why did it feel like fucking with Sam?

Sam had saved the world, suffered imaginable torture, walked around soulless and then with guilt. Instead of getting this one thing that could've brought him happiness it was taken away from him by cruel fate. Taken away when he was alone without a mate or family to take care of him. To comfort him.

Dean hadn't been much better. When he had returned instead of being there for Sam and finding out what had happened to him while Dean was in Purgatory, he had attacked him. He had been angry and pushed his Omega away. Dean thought he had been the wounded party but at least he had had hoped in Purgatory. He knew he would be able to get out and back to Sam. He had Benny and later Cas.

Sam had had no one.

Of course, Sam would've given up and tried to find happiness wherever he could. He hadn't known where Dean was, hadn't had anyone to help him keep his spirits up after he lost Deanna. Sam wouldn't have been able to know that Dean was going to come back to him. He had been alone. Dean hadn't been.

Dean was a dick. No, worse.

Sam had quieted down but didn't say anything. Dean kept the silence, too. Sam had been through enough, he didn't need Dean pushing him for answers. Especially when those answers came in the form of painful memories.

"I prayed and hoped that she would live but when had my luck ever been good?" Sam's voiced crack on every other word. "I didn't care though. Maybe this time it would be different and someone up there would take pity on me and let me have her. Like always, I was ignored. I had lost everything else. Of course, I lost her, too."

"Oh, sweetie, my poor Omega. My brave little boy," Dean knew it wasn't much but he couldn't help but heap praises and compliments on Sam. It might not be enough but it was better than nothing.

"I'm not you know. I'm not any of those things," Sam whispered.

Dean held Sam closer and kissed his temples. He knew Sam had low self-esteem and Dean piling shit on top of him the past few months probably hadn't helped at all.

"Yes, you are, sweetie. My brave, brave, Sammy."

Sam shook his head, "No, I'm not. I left the hospital the next day. I had Deanna's body burned. I didn't know what to do. I just," Sam took a deep breath, "I got into the Impala and drove. I didn't have anything left, just an urn with my baby's ashes in it. Bobby was gone, Cas was gone, you—you had disappeared."

Sam took a deep breath again. Confessing everything, relieving his pain had been a little easier with Dean holding him but he still was too afraid to admit everything to Dean. What if Dean got mad again? Sam wanted his Alpha's comfort, had craved it. If he admitted that how he was going to drive off a cliff with their baby's ashes by his side how would Dean react?

He needed to know, though. Sam needed to get all of those painful memories off his chest; he needed his strong Alpha to help him carry that pain.

"It's okay, Sammy, you can stop, now."

Sam looked at Dean's face, he looked sad. Sam was causing his mate's misery, maybe he should stop.

"I was going to drive the Impala off a cliff with Deanna by my side. I just wanted to be with you in Heaven. I wanted to hold Deanna in my arms without some stupid gloves getting in the way! I'm so, so sorry Dean!"

Dean knew where Sam was heading and had tried to prepare himself. It hadn't worked. He felt his heart shatter at Sam's wails. His Omega had suffered so much and Dean had acted like such a dick. The pain he felt in his chest couldn't even compare to the pain he had felt yesterday when Sam had kicked him.

God, he had accused Sam of sleeping around with Alphas when he had obviously still been hurting. The day before had been Sam's way of trying to reconnect with Dean and Dean had acted like a grade-A asshole. Why had Sam put up with Dean for so long? Dean was a horrible Alpha. Every horrible jibe, insult, and snarky remarks he had thrown at Sam's face came back to him. He had kicked Sam while he was still down, bruised, and bleeding. He was no better than the other things that had hurt his younger brother, his mate.

The only thing Dean could do now was beg for forgiveness and take care of Sam like he should have been. He would be a stellar Alpha. Dean would spoil Sam and treat him like a king.

Dean rubbed Sam's back as his sobs turned to sniffles. When the tears had dried up Dean laid Sam down. He knew Sam hadn't slept well the night before and the emotional trauma he just relieved probably hadn't helped.

"Sleep for a bit, Sam. You need it."

Sam was having a hard time keeping his eyes opened but he still had to tell Dean about his current pregnancy.

"Wait, Dee, there's more I have to tell you."

Dean pulled up the blanket to Sam's chin and then kissed his temple, "It can wait until after you've rested. I think you've been through enough today, Sammy."

"No," he stubbornly kept his eyes opened and then got off the bed.

"Sammy, you need rest. C'mon, I'll cuddle with you."

Sam ignored Dean and took out a folder that was in one of the paper bags, "I just found out yesterday. I was going to tell you last night before—um, well before…"

Sam trailed off and bit his lower lip.

"Before I acted like a dick, you mean," Dean answered.

Sam shook his head and then took out the little photos. He held them out.

Dean looked down and then up at Sam and down again. It couldn't be, could it? With shaking hands he took the little photos out of Sam's hands and looked at them. There were four of them and through the grainy black and white Dean could make out a vaguely shaped human body.

No, more than one.

"It's this what I think it is?"

Sam nodded. He was worried all of a sudden, what if Dean didn't want them?

Dean laughed and pulled Sam towards him. He kissed Sam silly and then let go when he felt out of breath. He brought Sam's head down so their foreheads were touching each other.

"How far along?"

"Two months, nine weeks to be exact."

"When I first came back," he whispered out in wonder.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, "We're going to have twins."

"Twins," Dean felt tears of happiness threatening to spill over. He couldn't help but stare at the grainy pictures. His babies, his and Sam's. Dean suddenly felt fear gripping his heart.

"What did the doctor say? Are you and the babies okay," Dean took a hold of Sam's hand and pulled him towards the bed.

"You should be resting, Sammy!"

Sam let Dean fuss over him. Besides, he was tired.

"The babies are fine, Dean," Sam yawned, "the doctor said everything is okay. She recorded the babies heartbeats and a video if you want to see it later. I have to make a doctor's appointment for two weeks from now. I think I'll have to find another free clinic in whichever town we end up next for our hunts."

"Hunts? If you think I'm letting you hunt while pregnant you've obviously had a few screws loose."

Sam rolled his eyes, "I don't mean I'll actively hunt, I'm just going to do research and you can do all the heavy lifting."

"If you think we'll be doing any hunting at all you've got another thing coming, Sam," Dean sat on the bed and took his mate's hand, "Sam, you need stability right now, not to be dragged across the country."

"But, what about killing the evil creatures out there? People will die."

"So let them die," Dean answered, "We're not the only fucking hunters, Sam. You need rest and I need to be by your side to make sure you have everything you need while carrying my babies."

Sam looked at Dean and saw the resolve in his eyes. Sam had his Alpha back and his Alpha wasn't going to let him put himself in danger. Truthfully, Sam was grateful. He really didn't feel like going across the country while pregnant. What if, God forbid, he needed medical attention and they were in the middle of nowhere? His babies came first.

"Kay, Dee," he yawned again.

Dean smiled and laid by Sam. They stared at each other, face-to-face. Dean couldn't help but tuck a strand of hair behind Sam's ear.

"I'll get a job, we can find an apartment somewhere. Imagine, Sammy, our babies in their little cribs in an apartment. Me working from 9 to 5. You at home taking care of our little rugrats. Maybe I can even find buy us a house later."

Dean continued talking excitedly of the future. Sam fell asleep to Dean's soft words with a smile on his lips.

Three weeks later and Dean was burying a little white urn with pink teddy bears in his mother's grave. Sam had explained what happened the next day after he lost Deanna.

He had been heartbroken and driven like a madman with the intent of driving the Impala off a cliff with Deanna's ashes.

"Before I could find one I had run over a dog. I couldn't—I couldn't let him die. God, I wasn't thinking straight and in my grief, I took the dog to the nearest vet. I couldn't let another living creature die because of me."

Dean had held Sam as he sobbed. That dog was the reason Dean still had his mate in his arms. He was grateful for that dog while not even 24 hours before he wanted to kill it.

"It's fine, Sammy. Everything is just fine. You need to calm down, it's not good for you or the babies."

Sam nodded, "I know.

Sam took a deep breath, "We only had sex twice, you know. Me and Amelia, I mean. The first time was because we had been so lonely. She had lost her husband, I had lost you and Deanna. I guess we were just two lonely people trying to jam two puzzle pieces that didn't fit together."

Sam laid his head on top of Dean's naked chest. They were both nude under the covers. It wasn't sexual, it was more the need to feel each other's naked flesh underneath theirs. It was the need to feel each other's heartbeat.

"The second time was when we both got drunk. I could barely keep it up."

Dean had held Sam closer.

Dean was taken out of his musings and brought back to the present.

"You wanna say something," Sam asked softly, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Uh, yeah, if that's okay?"

Sam nodded. Dean straightened up and talked at his mother's headstone.

"Hey mom, it's, uh, it's us. Sam and Dean, y'know, your kids," Dean took a deep breath, "That's your granddaughter, Deanna. She—she wasn't with us for a long time so I'm—we are asking you to take care of her until we can go up there and hold her ourselves."

Dean took a deep breath to steady himself.

Sam took Dean's hand, "It's okay, Dean. We can do this."

Dean gave a weak smile.

"Hey mom, it's Sam, I—I didn't have Deanna long with me. I miss her, I miss you. I hope that the two of you have each other up there. Kiss her for me, okay?"

Both Sam and Dean left the cemetery feeling a little lighter than before. Especially Sam. After having to carry such a heavy burden for so long it was nice to have his mate help him with the extra weight.

They both got in the Impala and started driving back to their current home base. Dean was already looking for a job and an apartment. It wouldn't be easy and Sam knew that he would not stop worrying until after their babies were born but for right now he was happy.

He put his hand on his still flat stomach and smiled.


End file.
